“I stopped at the hardware store on the way home,” Dave told his wife Leslie. “I got you these.” He handed her a packet of her favorite seeds. He didn’t go into detail about the $200 he’d also racked up in costs for tools. It wasn’t a lie, he reasoned. He simply left out that nugget of information.
Leslie eyed the packet and then looked at Dave. “Anything else?” she said. “I’d like the whole truth so that the credit card bill isn’t a surprise.”
Why am I avoiding telling my wife the truth? Dave wondered. He was a good guy. Honesty and integrity were important to him.
Dave faced a common situation. He thought integrity was important. But was it one of his core values?
Preferences vs. Values
The answer is no. Values drive actions. Dave was not living out the value of integrity in his actions with his wife.
Instead, integrity was simply a personal preference for Dave – not a core value. Because integrity was just a preference, Dave could discard it with a self-justifying excuse when things become too inconvenient or uncomfortable
Is this what I really want? Dave asked himself as Leslie studied him suspiciously. The more Dave thought about it, the more he wanted to be a man of integrity that his wife could respect and trust.
If integrity was to become one of his true values, then it would act as a moral compass, affecting what Dave did or did not do.
Values Drive Actions
Suddenly, demonstrating his integrity to Leslie was more important to Dave than the temporary comfort in holding back about his shopping spree. How could he interact with her to show he was serious about being a man of integrity? How could Leslie see integrity come alive in him?
“Let me be honest with you, Leslie,” Dave said as he reached into his wallet to pull out the hardware store receipt. “I bought a few things. But I can take them back if we can’t afford them. Can we talk about it?”
